Saturday, November 29, 2008

My Blessing.

So today was exactly what I needed right now.
I had forgotten why I am even here.. I've been wrapped up in my own problems and my own world and this morning I said my usual "Lord do with me today what You Will", but then since I am too dense to see past my own nose, He reminded me of something and had me eat my own words to boot.
I've always said that God puts the people through the doors of J and J. When you walk through, you either need help or give help. Not everyone speaks up, though. He can get you to J and J, but you have to help yourself. Like my Mama says, He isn't going to throw the food in the bird's nest, for crying out loud. I had figured out a while ago that I'm not supposed to judge who walks through those doors..that's His job, not mine. But I've been thinking that I'd been doing a pretty good job of trying to find out if they need help.. well HELLO.. that isn't all I'm supposed to do.
A lady came in yesterday and bought a refrigerator. (We do appliance work to fund the food bank.) She left with a couple boxes of cookies, just because that's the norm. It's our way of finding out if you need help.. "You got any kids at home? Do you want some cookies?" If they are struggling it will eventually come out. That and the fact that we have so much crap lying around it's easier to try and get rid of it that way too.. I hate putting stuff up. I'm WAY lazy.
Well the lady calls me today. She sounded kind of weird and uncomfortable and I'm thinking.. 'Aha! She needs help! I knew it!' Wrong. It turns out she volunteers at The Samaritan House for most of the week and wanted to tell me that she didn't know what we were doing with all that food, but when we went to throw it away(like we throw stuff away) please call her because that's what she did with those cookies and the people loved them.
I gave her my usual speel.."We are really a food bank.. we're all volunteer.. blah blah blah.." and she was completely dumbfounded. When I told her that if she wanted to come by tomorrow I would go through everything and get her some boxes to take back down to her shelter, she couldn't believe it. I'm saying the same stuff that I say almost daily, like.."It's NOT too much trouble. It's what I do everyday. It's not a big deal. No, you don't have to come help me. No, I'm NOT such a nice person. I've been there. God put's you people through my doors for a reason." But today it hit me that I never really thought about what I say. It's automatic.. it's habit.. but as she is sitting there shocked, I'm sitting there thinking 'HOLY CRAP. YOU IDIOT. All this time you say this stuff, but all you think about is the one group..the group that needs help. You never think about the people that have the resources or the calling to help others. You are supposed to be helping them help others TOO. MORON!'
Ever since we lost our source for meat, alot of people haven't been coming by for food. I've been thinking that this cannot possibly be what God wants me to do anymore..sit there and hope that someone will come in? Then we start getting boxes and boxes of stuff like hair supplies and baby stuff and I'm like..'What the hell am I supposed to do with all this shit?" I've been calling out to God constantly, "I'M BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to do something BIGGER!!" And yes, I know He will make you in charge of little before He makes you in charge of alot. I'm not an idiot. I just complain alot to Him. He's probably used to it.
My Aunt Lindy told me this morning to start a Praise journal..everyday write down one thing that you are thankful for and can praise God for. I have lots to be thankful for.. but today? I am thankful that God opened my eyes to my calling.
Every single one. I have a list of people that came in hoping for a cheap appliance.. and left with food, put their abusive husbands in jail, got shelter, got jobs, got cars, furniture, clothing, phone numbers for resources they had no idea were even out there to help them.. or just a shoulder to cry on and unload for awhile. I have watched families get back on their feet, kids have real birthday parties b/c of the cakes and party supplies we get.. I've gotten calls from prostitutes who have gotten off the street b/c (they claim) I just listened and then chewed their ass before helping them find jobs/shelter/whatever.
And I'm bored? Who the hell am I to question where God has me? My work has been in front of me the whole time. I cannot wait for the lady who called me today to come in tomorrow. I'm going to give her a huge hug and thank her for calling back. Then I'm going to see if I can go with her to The Samaritan House to see if I can help there too. I'm an idiot.
So today Lindy? I praise God for opening my eyes to what was right in front of my face the whole time. I LOVE J and J. It is a blessing to me. And so are YOU. I love you!

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